Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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