Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
