there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
