He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I need to stop coming to work sober
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
