I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
