Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
