We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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