Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
