It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
