I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
