Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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