I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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