I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
