I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
