Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
