I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
