There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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