a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
