So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
