i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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