My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
