Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
We had to coat check the pizza.
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I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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