do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
