6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
