my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
