So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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