My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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