Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
