When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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