How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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