Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You've changed since you got that strap on
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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