Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
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Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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