Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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