Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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