i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
