I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
