dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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