I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I just found puke in my bra..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
