yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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