we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
