For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
