I'm so fucking centered right now
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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