I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i love accidental penises.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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