So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
