Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
