um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
The Olympian is in my bed
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Holy shit dude........stairs
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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