There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
