Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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