she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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