lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
