My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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