I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
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I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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