Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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