woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
