Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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