so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
