have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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