my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Say something about gay babies.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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