New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
