she kept yelling 'call me bella'
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize
