I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
