well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
