$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
