I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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