The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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