so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
