I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
