My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
