so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You need Xanax blowdarts
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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