and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
