Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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