HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
