eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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