I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
