I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
